🔗 Share this article

This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed guide to the terms this generation is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {