Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's top comedians devoted their airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration program, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas jingle about the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative that allows foreign nationals to buy U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "premium" version for 5 million. A government portal pledges approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to wealthy immigrants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also meant to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, with significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.