The Advice shared by My Dad That Helped Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to communicate between men, who often internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a respite - going on a few days away, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."